Dear Mother,
I am writing with my old fever "f 101° alternating with chills back.
I must have someone with me for the next two months to mind the
babies while I get my health back and try to write. ..I need help
very much just now. Home is impossible. I can go nowhere with the
children, and I am ill, and it would be psychologically the worst thins
to see you now or to go home. I have free doctor's care here, cheap
help possible though not now available, and a home I love and will
want to return to in summer to get ready to leap to London. To ~
a new life. I am a writer. ..I am a genius of a writer; I have it in
me. I am writing the best poems of my life; they will make my name.
I could finish the novel in six weeks of day-long work. I have a gift
of an inspiration for another .

Got a $IOO "birthday present"' from Dotty today; $300 from Mrs.
Prouty. Thank God.

Very bad luck with nanny agency ; a bitch of a woman is coming
tomorrow from them; doesn't want to cook, do any breakfast or tea,
wondered if there was a butler. Ten pounds a week. If I had time to
get a good nanny, possibly an Irish girl to come home with me, I
could get on with my life. , .I feel only a lust to study, write, get
my brain back and practice my craft.

I have, if you want to know, already had my first novel finished
and accepted-it is a secret, and I am on my second. My third-the
idea-came this week.

After Ted left with all his clothes and things, I piled the children
and two cats in the car and drove to stay with a. ..couple I know
in St. Ives, Cornwall-the most heavenly gold sands by emerald sea.
Discovered Cornwall, exhausted but happy, my first independent act!
I have no desire but to build a new life. Must start here. When I have
my second book of poems done, my third novel, and the children are
of age, I may well try a year of creative-writing lecturing in America
and a Cape Cod summer. But not just now. I must not go back to the
womb or retreat. I must make steps out, like Cornwall, like Ireland.

Please share this letter with Dotty and Mrs. Prouty. I am all right.
...Could either Dot or Margaret spare me six weeks. I can get no
good nanny sight unseen; I could pay board and room, travel ex-
penses and Irish fares. I am as bereft now as ever. ..I must have
someone I love. ..to protect me, for my flu with my weight loss
and the daily assault of practical nastiness-this nanny sounds as if
she will leave in a day or so. ..has made me need immediate help.
Know my only problems now are practical: money and health back, a
good young girl or nanny, willing to muck in and cook, which I could
.fford once I got writing. The strain of facing suing. ..for support,
with the cruel laws here, is something I need to put off just now.

I'm getting an unlisted phone put in as soon as possible so I can
call out; you shall have the number.

The babes are beautiful, though Frieda has regressed; the pussies
help. I cannot come home. I need someone to cover my getting to
Ireland. I can't rely on any nanny at this short notice-1 just can't
interview them. Do let me know what you all think. The life in Ire-
land is very healthful; the place, a dream; the sea, a blessing. I must
get out of England. I am . . . full of plans, but do need help for the
next two months. I am fighting now against hard odds and alone.
x x x Sivvy